Ayreon's The Theory of Everything

Ayreon's The Theory of Everything

So you've probably never heard of this "Ayreon" band/thing, right? Yeah, neither had I until this album came out a couple months ago, but it involves neither rap, boy bands, or Lordes, it didn't exactly make a splash in the mainstream. Which kinda sucks, because this is actually a pretty sweet CD. Why? Well, dear reader, look for the answers further in this piece!

Well first, who the hell is Ayreon? Some band? WRONG, you idiot. Ayreon is just one dude, a Dutch guy named Arjen Lucassen. He writes all the lyrics and composes the lyrics, then he gets a bunch of guest musicians to come in and record it for him. If you're thinking that sounds almost exactly like The Alan Parsons Project, then you're right, but shut up because it's different. Instead of a British guy and a fat man writing songs about Isaac Asimov books, Mr. Lucassen here deals pretty much exclusively in that long-forgotten art form of: the rock opera! I have no idea how this guy isn't as popular as Daft Punk.

So this album is a rock opera. And just like those Tommy and Mr. Roboto, the The Theory of Everything is a concept album. And before you pre-judge this CD and assume the story is retarded like a Styx album, back the fuck up, 'cause the plot is actually pretty grounded. Basically it's about a genius savant who's trying to solve the "Theory of Everything". His dad is jealous of his genius-ness and his mom doesn't actually do much, now that I think about it. If it sounds kind of mundane, that's because it is. There aren't any dragons or magic or robots or anything like that. Actually, the only thing "opera"-ish about this CD is the writing. The lyrics are kind of silly. I'll give you an example because I know you're too lazy to look some up.

"Oh no, I can't believe
You're falling for this loser
Oh no, I thought you knew,
That I am so much cooler!"

To be fair, the character that's saying this shit is a teenager, but it's still funny when an adult is belting these lines out. Also, some of the characters sound alike so it can be hard to tell who the hell is talking and what's going on -- I didn't even realize there where two separate female characters until looking up these lyrics, and I listened to this CD like five times. So... try to listen real good? And besides the sometimes cheesy lyrics, the guest vocalists TEAR THIS SHIT UP. They turn this stuff from cheesy Good Will Hunting-type knockoff material into a pretty legit story that I enjoy listening to as it plays out. Special props goes to Tommy Karevik who knocked his part out of the park.

And if you couldn't tell by the album art, band name, or the fact that this is a concept album... this is a prog rock album through and through. Lots of cool instruments and unorthodox musical structures, just like you''d expect. That's pretty much par for the course when it comes to this genre in general and Ayreon's stuff in particular, but one thing deserves special mention - in addition to all of the other great musicians and singers, fucking Rick Wakeman and "Rock Musician You Would Be Least Surprised to See at a Comic Book Shop" contest winner Jordan Rudess both play keyboards on this thing, which is a lot lamer than I thought it sounds. Basically, they just have separate solos on separate songs, so sadly no keyboard dueling. Still pretty cool though.

So yeah, this is a really good album. It's got an interesting story that isn't too serious/melodramatic (cough Dream Theater cough) with great melodies and amazing vocals. Definitely worth a few spins.